Porn.

While going through my partners pictures, trying to find one of us with his nan for her upcoming 80th birthday. I found pornography.

Yes, yes, I know it’s natural, and it’s nothing grotesque but she is prettier than me, thinner than me, tattoos and piercings, just like me, even the same colour hair. She was a better, prettier, thinner version of me.

First came rage, fuelled completely by jealousy. Then, I was just hurt. I don’t even know why I’m hurt.

Maybe because I think he finds her more attractive? Or maybe because I think so low of myself?

Or maybe because I think he deserves her.

Anyway. I’m going on a diet, and changing my hair.

Standard

3 thoughts on “Porn.

  1. narcopathcrusher says:

    I think there is nothing wrong with you. People watch porn for reasons that have nothing to do with their partner (and by people i put myself in too). I intent to write more about porn in a future post. If you want the diet and hair change because it will make YOU more self confident go, for it. As for piercings and tatoos…for experience i tell you that there were men who dated me because of them and men who rejected me because of them (ok, and some other reasons) so now i proceed based on my taste only.

    Like

    • I know it’s not the porn. Sex is beautiful, raw, kinky and emotional. I love it.

      I think because, I felt she was similar to me, and it made me uncomfortable. He likes the “alternative” look, so I understand his preference BUT, the similarities! It’s just unsettling. It’s not like we haven’t made handy amount of moments.

      I was caught off guard.

      And I can’t wait to see your posts on the topic.

      Liked by 1 person

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