When I was younger, I was only attracted to women, sexually and emotionally.
Apart from the obvious sexual attraction to women, I thought I was a lesbian due to the hatred I had to men, I despised anyone with a penis. The male figures in my life had hurt me, and I was young and naive enough to assume that all men deserve to be in that category, no one had shown me different, but in all honesty, I never allowed a male the chance.
Throughout my teen years, I dated several women, enjoying life, accepting my sexuality.
It was when I was 17, that I met an amazing human being, a lovely boy. So kind, and genuine. I started to want to be with him, as much as I could. He was always so patient with me, caring and understanding. He was my soundboard, allowing me to share my secrets, my pain, my fears. I let him do the same.
The time we spent together, I forced to suppress and hide my feelings towards him, feeling nothing but confused by my desire to be with a man sexually, when I had convinced myself that I was a lesbian.
I ended up confessing, thinking I was cunning by referring to the guy I was wanting as another man, asking him to help me understand what I was feeling, and ease my confusion.
I was shocked when he so easily blurted out that I was bisexual, a sexual orientation that I had never heard of before. (I grew up in a very small country town)
That boy and I were in a relationship for several months, before I was kicked out of home, and we sadly drifted apart.
Now fully understanding my sexual orientation, and exploring sexual partners. I was finally truly comfortable with who I sexually was, until I had to start defending myself.
“no, I’m not just trying to have the best of both worlds
“No, I’m not trying to figure out what I want or who I am, I’m not confused
Ever since there was a rise in popularity with saying your bisexual, I felt less and less more confident to say I was a bisexual.
I have had people say to me before, “kissing a girl at a party when you’re drunk, doesn’t make you a lesbian”
Really. really seriously?
It seemed it became the fashionable thing to do, as a woman. Say you like girls too! It was annoying me, and I started receiving shit for it.
People would often look confused and belittle me if I declined a request of a threesome.
I met men that assumed I was going to bring a woman into the picture, and we will both submit ourselves to him. (Not that I don’t enjoy this, but this was mentioned the first time we were getting intimate with eachother, and it’s nothing but a turnoff.)
When discussing with friends or associates about my sexual orientation, I was often met with a half-assed attitude, and told to get over it, or make up my mind.
It’s so frustrating. It’s not about making up my mind. I am sexually attracted to women, and I am sexually attracted men. I do not prefer women over men, or vice-versa, and it is not something that I enjoy hearing that you’re talking about, behind my back, with your opinion of which gender I prefer.
My supposed friends are all for equal rights. They like to point that out to prove they are a good person whenever the to on is right.
They say the understand that being a homosexual, or a lesbian, (or various other sexual orientation) isn’t something a person can choose.
I don’t understand how the hypocrites can even suggest that I just choose, or think it’s appropriate to give me advice of which gender that I should decide apon, and which will be preferable. Like, having children, or make jokes about how being with a woman will be easier because there will be no “manly” smells and issues in the house.
I have spoke to them individually, explaining how I feel when they talk about, they literally brush it off. Like I was an idiotic confused girl.
It’s been over six years, since fully understanding my sexuality, and I’m not going to change.
While I am only one woman, who is a bisexual, I’m reaching out to see, if other bisexuals have been ridiculed, bulled or questioned, been taunted about your sexual orientation, or treated like you were confused.
How did you explain to love ones and friends about being bisexual?
Do you often feel that your sexuality is treated as a joke?
When did you find out that you were bisexual?